Kavi...tha
Last Sunday with not a lot to do, I was checking few of my old collections and found a letter, yes the below one. I have read it 3-4 times on the day when it was given to me and later, may be after 2 years or so again I read it (accidentally when I was searching for my certificates) and again last Sunday after more than 4 years. Now at the 3 junctures where I have read the letter I had a wide variety of feelings.
The First Time:
I was handed this letter along with some instructions (instructions were not to share it with any one) which I followed word to word without any second thought. After all these years now I feel, I did the wrong thing, may be. As per a old Telugu film song “Adavari maatalaku ardhaley veruley, Auvunu antey kadaniley, kadu antey auvunaniley” which means when a woman says “Yes” it means “No” and when she says “No” it means “Yes”. Now whatever were her intensions then or now, I will go ahead and share it over here. Happiness; yes, this is what I felt for the first time when I saw it because it was a variety gift that I got up to that date and that too from a lady. Confusion; that is what happened after I read it for the first time, I read it 3-4 times again to get the essence of it (Hopefully I got it right but with my elementary knowledge that was a bouncer for me initially). Dilemma; this is what came next, just when I felt, I was getting what the “Star” was all about, she mentions that we talked about it……now I am not much of a talker and she claims that we have talked about it!!!!…..me talking and that too with a lady!!!….that is how I was at that time. But I got the gist of what she was saying and there begun my “Star Hunt”.
The Second Time:
Just days before I was joining the first job, I was searching for some certificates and I find the letter, Happiness; Again I felt happy reading the letter maybe this time as a new person who was out there doing what he liked. Confidence; It gave me confidence that there will be people who will like me the way I am irrespective of where I was. Just read it again, put it back and went ahead with what was there at offer in life.
The Third Time:
This was the tricky and most difficult part, as I see it. On a Sunday while doing nothing and searching all the old stuff I find this letter. Happiness; yet again as it brings back all the good memories to the mind. Insecurity; as this reminds me of all the opportunities that I have missed out, all the plans that did not go the way I wanted them to, things and situations that will never again be the way I want them to. For a moment I questioned myself if I was lost in my “Star Hunt” and will i be able to get where I want to be? Now is the time where I have to find “Hope” reading the letter again and say to myself that “no matter what, I need to just keep trying and will reach the star”.
The above line made me feel like I have the questions and answers for them as well but it is not so easy to live that line. The fun part of the current “Star Hunt” is that I am working in a time where I do not get to see the stars (literally) but by the time I get ready for some star gazing there will be only one visible star that is too bright for my viewing.
The First Time:
I was handed this letter along with some instructions (instructions were not to share it with any one) which I followed word to word without any second thought. After all these years now I feel, I did the wrong thing, may be. As per a old Telugu film song “Adavari maatalaku ardhaley veruley, Auvunu antey kadaniley, kadu antey auvunaniley” which means when a woman says “Yes” it means “No” and when she says “No” it means “Yes”. Now whatever were her intensions then or now, I will go ahead and share it over here. Happiness; yes, this is what I felt for the first time when I saw it because it was a variety gift that I got up to that date and that too from a lady. Confusion; that is what happened after I read it for the first time, I read it 3-4 times again to get the essence of it (Hopefully I got it right but with my elementary knowledge that was a bouncer for me initially). Dilemma; this is what came next, just when I felt, I was getting what the “Star” was all about, she mentions that we talked about it……now I am not much of a talker and she claims that we have talked about it!!!!…..me talking and that too with a lady!!!….that is how I was at that time. But I got the gist of what she was saying and there begun my “Star Hunt”.
The Second Time:
Just days before I was joining the first job, I was searching for some certificates and I find the letter, Happiness; Again I felt happy reading the letter maybe this time as a new person who was out there doing what he liked. Confidence; It gave me confidence that there will be people who will like me the way I am irrespective of where I was. Just read it again, put it back and went ahead with what was there at offer in life.
The Third Time:
This was the tricky and most difficult part, as I see it. On a Sunday while doing nothing and searching all the old stuff I find this letter. Happiness; yet again as it brings back all the good memories to the mind. Insecurity; as this reminds me of all the opportunities that I have missed out, all the plans that did not go the way I wanted them to, things and situations that will never again be the way I want them to. For a moment I questioned myself if I was lost in my “Star Hunt” and will i be able to get where I want to be? Now is the time where I have to find “Hope” reading the letter again and say to myself that “no matter what, I need to just keep trying and will reach the star”.
The above line made me feel like I have the questions and answers for them as well but it is not so easy to live that line. The fun part of the current “Star Hunt” is that I am working in a time where I do not get to see the stars (literally) but by the time I get ready for some star gazing there will be only one visible star that is too bright for my viewing.
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